Getting ready for family pictures

Mat's cast needed to stay on for exactly one month. The problem with this time frame is pictures fell 3 days before one month. Mat's doctor felt we needed to get as close to the one month time frame as possible he agreed to cut it off at 5 the night before pictures, but a major snow storm prevented us from making it to the doctors office so we cut it off at home.

Family Pictures

Christmas morning

I have decided that I hate the unknown. I don't like not knowing how things will turn out. I don't like not knowing what the future will I hold. I want to know that it will be OK, that everyone will be safe and that things can work out. That's just not the way life works though. When you move from the path that you are currently on you must often move into the dark. I have always been afraid of the dark. The dark is lonely, things you didn't know were there can get you in the dark. If I reach a hand out will someone lead me to the light?

Dylan won at the next level on his reflection contest entry.

Low...and I mean really really low...

Today I ran into the counselor at my children's school. I was there volunteering in the intellectually delayed cluster, but my two children are off for a 3 (more) week break so he was surprised to see me. "Christine I was going to call you this afternoon, how is the break going?" I tried to stifle a loud laugh, five weeks....no school....freezing temperatures...hahaha. "As good as a break can go" I continued "as I left the house this morning I gave my children two instructions....Don't hurt each other and don't catch anything on fire GOT IT!" The two secretaries setting at the front desk roared with laughter but, Dr Illes didn't even miss a beat....he knows my children well. "That was exactly what I was going to call about, I am starting a new ADHD class next week and was wondering if you would come the first week and talk about successfully lowering your expectations."

Of all of the things I thought I would be a master at in life it never occurred to me to put this on the list.....me master of low (and we are talking really low) expectations.

I am sure you were wondering how the little ones fared....no smoke and Kimmie got hit over the head by Mat....50 50 kinda what I thought would happen, hows that for low expectations.

Meet Fuzz Bubbles

Stronger than you think

Today my sister asked me the question that I did not want to hear. The question that runs through all of our minds over and over again. The question we rarely speak out loud because of the complete and utter desperation that any answer would bring to us...The question is "What is wrong with our family" or sometimes the question is "why us", or sometimes we can phrase the same question differently and say "is their something wrong with us".

All mothers worry about their children's health, but we worry more. We don't just worry about our children but, we worry about our sisters children. We hold our breath. We watch closely for milestones. Who is pointing, who is not, when do they learn to walk, do our little children show signs of aggression, do they play with others, can they sit on a chair or write their name. The list seems to go on and on, we watch and we worry.

My oldest is the first child in our family living in the state. My sisters loved him dearly and spoiled him in complete and utter love. They watched as I worried about his development. Things other children seemed to do easily were such a struggle for him. They watched us bounce from one diagnosis to another. Aspergers, ADHD, pdd-nos, back to ADHD, and then we end without a diagnosis, just a child with a list of symptoms and a mother looking for help.

Soon my sisters began to add to their families. Children they love as much as any mother, children they would die to protect. Children they would walk to the end of the earth and back again for. Children they held in their arms and sing to in the still of the night.

Children who showed signs of developmental delays.

We searched for answers as Brandon received the same diagnosis as Dylan. We watched as he struggled in ways that we had not even began to imagine. Each day is exhausting each day is a challenge for him. We are overly protective of him as a part of our family...this child who will never grow up.

We followed Mat, he can't have ADHD, he is so different from Dylan, but in the end he does....and so the story goes we watch, we hope, we pray.....and then we fight for our children. We fight for diagnosis, and help, and services, and understanding. Most of the days we just do...we don't think of the reasons, we don't ask the questions. We just do, we do what it takes, we do what they need. We get them up and send them to school. We cry when they fall down and get them back up again.

We watched as Rachel did not learn to sit up, or walk, or speak, our beautiful little girl, where are her words? With five sisters and two sisters in laws all married with in a short amount of time, the babies came fast. Our worries seemed to add as fast as the babies, and so did the unspeakable questions.

I wish I could say I had an answer to the questions, the ones we only dare to whisper. I wish I could understand the biological reasons why, but I can't, I just have the tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me to move forward. The voice tells me God knows what he has asked of me and my sisters, it tells me we are stronger than we think. We love more than most. We have each other and our children have us. The tiny voice tells me the answers will never come, stop asking and keep doing. A family bond held together, 5 sisters who need each other, 5 sisters stronger than you think.

P.S. Do you think we look alike. We have been asked mutiple times if we are triplets. There are five of us so we never know who they are leaving out. We took this picture to try to figure it out. No luck, we decided we don't loook alike at all.

Long lost memory card OR warm pictures for a cold day...don't you love getting to pick your own title

Dylan got a camera for Christmas. On Christmas morning we realized it did not come with a memory card so we went on a search to find one. I found one at the bottom of a junk drawer, filled with pictures from about two years ago. They were so fun to look at.

Thank you

The last month and a half have been a crazy whirlwind for me. I have been busier than I have I think I have ever been. I am afraid that during the craziness I may have forgot to thank those people who deserved it so much.

Thank you to my children, Mom working has not been easy, I know...but we made it through Christmas and things will be easier now.

Thank you to the people who dropped off gifts at my house anonymously. So kind of you. So surprised on my part.

Thank you to everyone who threw the amazing Christmas parties that I got to attend. So much work went into these parties, and such a good way to celebrate the holidays.

Thank you to everyone who supported my new business. You told your friends and family about me, bought my jewelry, and supported me when things got busy...Thank you, I couldn't have done it without you.

Thank you to my family, I know you love me..... a gift that can not be taken away.

How long can you put off having a broken bone looked at? According to my doctor, five days before you are considered a bad mother. The first couple you wait for the swelling to go down, but any longer is just cruel. So we are headed in this morning. Mat fell at school on Monday, and the pain has not gone away. At this point I think I am going to have to give up my hope that it is not broken.

My son is having a conversation with me as I type....it goes something like this...."Mom I think I should stay home from school tomorrow" Me..."no" Jr High going son says....."tomorrow is the school dance so I shouldn't have to go" Me.... "NO"...... Son... "let me tell you all of the pros to staying home" I roll my eyes roll about out of my head, when in the world did I sign up for arguing with a teenager who thinks if the pros list is longer than the cons he will get what he wants?....my son continues "if I stay home, I will keep you company, I can do the dishes (I know he won't), I can help you clean, I will take the dog out to the bathroom, I will even work for you" When the pros list does not work he turns on his mothers tender sensibilities.... "Mom why do not want me to stay home? Do you not enjoy my company" "If that is what it is I will stay in my room and read" ....Mother does not give in, the answer remains at NO. "Mom you are giving me the impression that you do not enjoy my company." "DYLAN GO TO BED!" It must be pass 9 o'clock because I think I am done being a Mom until tomorrow morning.

Good news I figured out how to make Dylan's video work...*smile*.....I guess selecting private makes it unviewable by others.

Dylan made this slide show as his reflections contest entry while I was gone one night. I didn't know he even planned to enter the contest, he had worked on the project completely on his own. On Friday I found out that he won first place in his category. I am so proud of him because this is completely Dylan, his personality, his thoughts and his ideas. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I want to get away, take a deep breathe, regroup, balance priorities, pray and think some things through. I love my life, so I am not complaining. I love every little detail of my life, my four kids, crazy schedule and hair from hell. I love it all but, I need a break.....I have received 45 text messages today....I counted just for kicks, I was at the school three times today, and that is not counting dropping off or picking up kids who attend 3 differant schools. I almost forgot ballet, but kimmie remembered. I burned dinner because I was on the phone with the doctor, I went to the post office to mail something for myself, mailed a neighbors package and returned home with mine still sitting on the seat of my car. I need a break so my brain an catch up with my life.......Oh and did I mention I got a new dog.